And they didn’t marry people because they thought they couldn’t do any better (so might as well force themselves to love this guy! Sometimes we develop crushes on people not just because we want to bang them, but because we want to BE them.) And while I am very happy to be in love now, the times that I was single and able to do stuff like “move across the country because I felt like it without giving one single fuck about other people’s priorities or opinions” were times of huge growth and I would not trade them away for anything. Make a long list of stuff you want to do in the next year, five years, 10 years.And yet…most people I know who have happy relationships right now did not marry their first partners.Or, they did, and then they divorced those people and went on to have supercalifragilisticexpialidociously better lives with partners they met later when they knew themselves better. Are you living your life to please yourself or to be a part of this couple?Maybe it will help you have some conversations with your current partner about what you’re feeling and what you want.Maybe it will help you realize that you want to find a different partner or partners to get your needs met. There’s something really self-effacing about your letter that bugs me and I think you should work out a lot of these feelings about yourself with a pro.
The part where you admit your desires for sexual exploration and experimentation, but immediately tie them to your notion of the attention you are getting at work as a measurement of how attractive and worthy you are.My problem isn’t really a problem as such, I am well aware that I’ve got it pretty good and most likely I am in a state of ‘the grass is greener’, but I need help figuring out what to do with these feelings.I am young adult, and pretty much my whole adolescent life I have had no interest from guys, and I internalized this as meaning I was unlovable and hideous.I know this is pretty messed up as I was forcing myself to be with him for the first few months of our relationship but miraculously it has developed into actual love. Before him I had a few horrific, sloppy, face-licking kisses at a drunken New Year’s Eve party in the city but that was it.Our sex life doesn’t really leave anything to be desired, and he is a wonderful and caring partner.